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A really, really funny cartoon blog.  Lorcan Otway, of Plain in the City fame, now would amuse us with the adventures of the Grey Avenger. It's laugh-out-loud funny.

Bush nominates Robertson as Venezuelan ambassador

WASHINGTON - President Bush on Wednesday nominated religious broadcaster Pat Robertson to be US ambassador to Venezuela. This will replace the current US ambassador, William Brownfield, who has been missing for several days.

"The president and I have asked Pat to do this work because of his reputation as a hate-filled heretic. He is a tough-minded advocate of both the American brand of Christianity and US hegemony in the southern hemisphere," Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said. "He has a strong record of success at creating outrageous controversies, and he has a proven track record of effective obfuscation.

"Pat Robertson is personally committed to the future success of the Venezuelan people, and he will be a strong voice for reform at a time when Venezuela has begun to reform itself to help meet the challenging agenda before the international petroleum community."

Robertson drew fire recently when he said that the US should "take out" Hugo Chavez, calling the democratically-elected Venezuelan president "a terrific danger" bent on exporting Communism and Islamic extremism across the Americas. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop." The following day, Robertson denied saying what everyone heard him say.

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time," Robertson said on "The 700 Club" program.

Robertson has made controversial statements in the past. In October 2003 he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." Several members of Congress expressed astonishment that Bush would name someone whose sanity is frequently in doubt, according to a Reuters report.

Satire based on shortened, loosely re-written CNN and AP news stories.

Bush Speaks at Fight Club in Utah

SALT LAKE CITY - President Bush used his appearance before an excited Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) crowd today in Utah to make a spirited defense of his conduct of the war in Iraq.

"The only way to defend our citizens is to go after the terrorists where they live," Bush said in his morning speech at the Octagon Palace in downtown Salt Lake City.

Noting the 1,864 US troops killed in Iraq and the 223 who have died in Afghanistan, Bush said "each of these heroes has left a legacy." He vowed that the US military will stay the course to "finish the task that they gave their lives for."

Recent polls indicate eroding support for the Iraq war, but Bush administration policies still enjoy solid backing among the rowdy fight clubs in Utah.

In his speech on Monday Bush called Iraq "an essential front in the war on terror. It is a vital part of our mission." Like the UFC, he said, "there are no rules in the war on terror. We must kill, kill, kill them before they kill us!"

The president's schedule typically called for him to depart Utah immediately following his UFC appearance to avoid the throngs of anti-war protestors outside the Octagon Palace. He heads to the tiny town of Donnelly, Idaho, where he will spend a couple of days watching oil prices rise as he relaxes prior to a speech Wednesday before a sympathetic World Wrestling Federation (WWF) group in Nampa, Idaho.

Satire using a shortened, loosely re-written news article published in The Salt Lake Tribune, Monday, August 22, 2005.