CHENEY: Hey, George, it's me. What are you doing now?

BUSH:      Aw, gee, nothing much, Dick. Just eating pretzels and petting Barney.

CHENEY: We have something we want you to do. Are you up to it?

BUSH:      Oh, hey, yeah, sure. What's up?

CHENEY: The Democrats are having a retreat this week. We we want you to go there and do your good ol' boy thing. Make up to them. Get real chummy. Tell them some jokes and maybe rub Nancy's neck like you did when you got physical with Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor.

BUSH:      I can do that. Remember last month when I said in my State of the—my State of the Union—or state—my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation—I referred to the Democrat majority? Well, how about I say something like, Now look, my diction isn't all that good and I have been accused of occasionally mangling the English language, and so I appreciate you inviting the head of the Republic Party. That's funny, right?

CHENEY: That's good. I'll send Rove and a speech writer over and we'll see if we can't get some more one-liners in there for you. And while you're at it, make sure you give those sad eyes and talk about how you empathize with their anguish over the war. Say something like it's "sapping our soul" or something like that.

BUSH:      I can do that. Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is. I talk to families who die.

CHENEY: And make sure you stress bipartisanship and moving forward. Make them really like you.

BUSH:      If people want to get to know me better, they've got to know my parents and the values my parents instilled in me, and the fact that I was raised in West Texas, in the middle of the desert, a long way away from anywhere, hardly. There's a certain set of values you learn in that experience.

CHENEY: Good, you keep that up. You keep distracting them, and we'll just keep on running the government.

BUSH:      And I strongly believe what we're doing in Iraq is the right thing. If I didn't believe it—I'm going to repeat what I said before—I'd pull the troops out, nor if I believed we could win, I would pull the troops out.

CHENEY: You're doing just fine, George. Keep it up.

BUSH:      I always jest to people, the Oval Office is the kind of place where people stand outside, they're getting ready to come in and tell me what for, and they walk in and get overwhelmed by the atmosphere. And they say "man, you're looking pretty."

CHENEY: You're the best, George. That's why we call you the Decider. Keep it up.

BUSH:      I will, Dick. Thanks. Being president is hard work.